Didn’t He Know?

It is the question I am wrestling with.

Didn’t He know this shooting would take place?  Didn’t He know that 26 would die?

Didn’t He know these were innocent lives?  Didn’t He know this was close to Christmas, as though any other time of year would have been more acceptable?  Didn’t He know the heartache this would cause?

Didn’t He know?

It is with fear and trepidation that I attempt to give a response.  I have no DTS degree, no classes in Biblical studies.   I only have a mother’s heart, one of the greatest gifts He has given me and I ache to understand.

It seems that freedom wrapped in love is the response I would give.  He loves us enough to give us freedom to make our own choices and offer our own responses.  He knows that authentic love is not controlling love, but love that is extended with an open hand.  He knows we will make mistakes and yet still gifts us with freedom.  And sometimes His heart breaks with the choices we make.

This, for me, is a reasonable way to look at the situation.  These words offered cover my head thoughts, but I am still left with my heart issues and boy do they ache.  What I know intellectually is not helping the sorrow, the pain and the fear.

A few weeks ago I broke my ankle and have spent much time becoming one with my couch.  It seemed as though the “pause” button on my life had been pushed.  And I began to wonder what I was to do with this time.  What things did I need to reflect on?  What needed to be processed that I was skimming over?  And I found it was this grief.    After all these weren’t my children, this wasn’t my school or even my town.  And I found my grief wasn’t over people I knew, but over choices I have made in not offering the loving response God gives to me.  As I spent my time on the couch I gave myself time to grieve and to process my ungodliness and began to turn it over to Him for His redemptive work.

I remain cemented in faith and trust in Him because I know He loves me enough to let me be free.   I know His loves remains no matter what choices I make.  And I am rooted in His words that someday all will become right and there will be no more tears.

So the answer to “Didn’t He Know” is yes He did.   In loving us He allows us to be free and make such painful choices.  And now He grieves with us, His tears covering our own.